my birthday weekend to come

Well, I'm still unemployed and still hoping to get a job. Evan said he talked to Peets today and they were interested in me. I also want an office assistant job; I think I'd be good at it. But... alas we will see.
So Ryan planned this kinda secret ski trip this weekend for my birthday with as many close friends as could go, so, therefore, minus steph, jenne, and bob and brittany. Of course, I am upset that steph cannot go, because I think that she doesnt want to. I never had a problem taking two days off from work but wtv, she was just kinda mean about it.
I am really looking forward to it though. However, Noelle and I are the only two girls going but hell, it should be fun either way. I cant wait to go skiing again, and I might be getting new ski clothes tonight with Ryan and I am VERY excited because I hate the ones I have.
Right now, Ryan and I are better than EVER. I was suprised to hear that he talks to his mom about marrying me. Its cute, but, I mean, I don't even talk to MY mom about that. He's kinda sappy, kinda cute, and very romantic. I could see myself with other people, but I couldn't see myself marrying anyone else, or living my life with anyone else. He is gorgeous, sweet, smart, and pretty welloff, so hopefully that will be to my benefit. I love 'im.

Weird thing though, I have been having sex dreams about someone else.... and I wake up and realize I dont want that person which is good, but shit, in that dream I do. I dont think I should worry about it, because atleast when I wake up I know I dont want them, but still kinda weird.
So we'll see how this weekend goes, hopefull as well as I want it to.

Chamomile mutha fucka!

and i'm back!! how long has it been? weeks. Too bad because I have had a bunch of stuff going on.. kinda. First off, I applied at starbucks and this cute cafe in pengrove, and the cafe wanted me but the hours were bad, and starbucks didnt want me even though they basically said I had the job. SO that pissed me off. i know I'm being picky, but I'd really love to work with food. I basically refuse to do retail because its just not my thing. I am a customer person who like making them something myself, not telling them to buy something I didn't make.
I want to watch tv but the cable keeps going in and out. It sucks, a great big new tv and I cant watch it unless its movies or something. Let's check it again...........nope.... still not working.
So i have to say that my classes are fabulous, kind of. My art class- fun. I feel pretty confident in it; i think I am a better painter in some ways because I have always painted with oils for years; i didnt even know there was such thing as acrylic until two years ago haha. My speech class is fun but I have never been so nervous to talk to people before. Its getting better though. I have to find something to demonstrate to the class and its a toss up between meatballs or the piano haha. My psych class, the human sexuality, is AWESOME, yet kind of awkward. The last two days we watched videos on the penis and male masturbation. That was awkward. The vagina monologue, kind of awkward. The woman drove me nuts but the stories were good. I've learned a lot about sex in that class. I did not know you could have an orgasm that lasted for hours or days. Its called a full body orgasm and it amazed me. I dont know how to do it but I sure as hell want to try haha. My math class is uber boring. I didnt go all last week which is fine, i dont even payu attention in class; instead I teach myself and finish the homework and then some. But if he takes strict attendance, i dont want to be kicked out, so I guess I'm going to have to go no matter what from now on basically :( poo.
So FINALLY.... s and b are going out. It is soo cute and I am very happy for them both. They are so comfortable with each other and that is great, i know it would have been hard for both of them otherwise. N and S are adorable as well and as usual. As for me and R, I couldn't be happier. I love him, i really do. He takes care of me, I feel safe with him, and I know he loves me unconditionally, even when I drive him crazy lol. He is by far the best in bed, I dont know if hes better than me, but he pays more attention to me and my needs than himself which i love. I just can't wait to move out with him and then travel the world. I can only imagine it being wonderful especially with R. A and G are going to Europe this summer and I must say i'm jealous. I want to leave and travel soooo badly, but with no income, its a joke to think about.

I can achieve exactly what I want in life, I just have to work for it.

2007- here it goes

Well its a new year, which means nothing to me really, except that im getting older, its closer to my birthday, and i still need a job. I sold my soul to the devil today and applied to starbucks (ha) and i could probably get the job, its just how badly i want it. I also want to apply to this place in pengrove called javamore, we'll see tho, seems kinda slow. I REALLY need a job. I want to go to Europe and move out soooooooo damn bad. I would love to travel outside the US for once, without my family, and with Ryan. It is just hard to save money when a) u dont have any to save and b) you arent making anything to save. As soon as I get a job i'm blowing my money on all the gifts i wish i got for xmas. I need pants, a p-coat, cute shoes, understuff, and books. I dont have a new years resolution, those just are excuses that never work. When it starts getting warmer I"m going to go running again. I LOVED doing it. I like the path i go to, and I like using my ipod. I also plan on walking to school as much as possible and saving gas since i live close enough to school. Over the past year, I realized how much Ryan means to me. He really is my best friend and my favorite person to hang out with. Im glad we were friends before we went out because I love hanging out with him. I think alot about how life is going to be when we move out, and I really cant imagine a bad time. Financially, i think things would be argumentative, but I think living with my best friend and the person i love the most could not be horrible; in fact, it seems like it would be too much fun. I would LOVE to have people over and entertain a bunch. I also cannot WAIT to own a dog. I am waiting for the day Ryan and I get our pair (probably named Sampson and Delila) of huskies. I miss having a dog soooo much, even though Tia was a pain sometime, she really did entertain me a lot. I changed my school schedule today so that all my classes are, again, on tuesdays and thursdays. I am taking a painting class in the morning with jenne, then i have speech (Eek) and then human sexuality (psych class!!) and nature of mathematics at 7-830 at night. It will be a fun semester, better classes, a new job, and i can start being creative again. Maybe i'll even get a bassoon (pshh i hope) or a car (HA like mom and dad would be that nice) well i can dream. This year, being new, will hopefully bring about more than I expect, some new goodies, and some new adventures.

before new years...

I have had a pretty..... alright... year. Its been stressful as hell, sad, scary, and annoying, but now things are chill, i just need a job.
Christmas was great. Ryan bought me wonderful gifts as usual, and we were in tahoe the last few days. It was SOO much fun, it really was. We were skiing in Homewood on thursday and then on friday we went sledding. Ryan was exceptionally good at skiing, I was very proud of him. We fell once on this really powdery part. I was out of control going super fast, and when I looked down the slope I saw ryan eat it. I went down to see if he was alright and then I ate it. Ryan immerged from the snow looking like frosty. It was halarious. He was soo snow covered but loved the fact that he just flipped.

I kinda forcefully made ryan see The Holiday and he really liked it. Thank god because i felt bad about it. The first night we had dinner at the steak house in harveys which was very nice and expensive, and then the next night at the hard rock which was fun and intresting.
Overall, it was a great trip and I loved spending so much time with Ryan, I never get bored when I'm with him.

babysitting...

my cousins dogs.... layla the australian shepard is adorable of course. But chica, the toy chihuahua, is like a rat. Shes funny but creepy at the same time.
ANyways,
Ryans at one of his xmass, and im bored, home a lone, and no one is available. We fell asleep watching a movie last night. kinda lame. I like it though. Its so easy falling asleep to something warm.Could have gone to alexs house but i really wanted to see ryan, since im not seeing him for a few days. im excited about the ski trip. I dunno if we'll ski or snowboard, im not good at either so I dont think it matters, except i know i'll be better at skiing, we'll see.

I love christmas season. I like holidays and entertaining and i wish my family was the same.

look outside

...and see how damn dark it is. Im sitting in the JC library right now on my laptop thinking of how depressing this is to be in school, typing an essay, at 8:35 in the morning, when i really should be in bed sleeping or watching movies. I really dont think ryan is going to come up today, and I dont blame him, I wouldnt either in this weather. But im going to bored out of my mind until 1 when I have my last final, phil 5. I got $50 so far for returning books but 3 couldnt be returned, bitches. Like i dont need the money... i'll go spend it on another gift for ryan lol. Im so excited about xmas. This year will be nice. We arent going anywhere, and I can probably spend a lot of time with ryan. I really want to give him his gifts, and i really hope he likes them. We'll see. Anyways, i'm gunna go type this essay that I have been procrastinating on for about two weeks now and that is due in about 4 hours. And then i'm done. Winter break! No more school for about a month. Ski trip which im stoked about. New xmas gifts which im stoked about. Seeing people I havent seen in a while. This is going to be a good break....

shit....

I havent been on this in a fuggin long ass time and I thought i might. Im trying to study for finals, but ive become a slight procrastinator. I dont like to admit it, because once i used to never procrastinate. This is a funny way to look into the past. Ryan gave me sunglasses today which i love. I now have 4 pairs and I love them all, almost as much as I love him. Its weird, knowing that when I wrote the last post, ryan and I were not together. and now, two years later, we are together and i couldnt be happier. I really do want to be with him forever. I hope it will be that way. I do not have a dog anymore. It is extremely weird and sad because before I had her, I always wanted a dog. And not that I do not have her, I want another one. I really miss Tia tho, i loved playing with her. Its really sad to think of how she suddenly lost all will to live. I hope i get a new dog. I really want a bulldog or a husky or border collie i think. We'll see how things end up in the future. Steph and I arent talking much anymore. We dont hang out much and now i see noelle a lot more, which is nice. I think noelle and I are more alike. We work well together and dont argue, so far. My mom is going through radiation. Shes a trooper, and it was extremely scary to think of her with cancer. I dont work at deaf dog anymore because the company closed, and I am hoping to work for adam at the beginning of the year. From this point on, we'll see how things end up.

Music, Music, Music, and Music. I'll never get sick of it but that is ALL I've done all weekend so far, and only 6 more hours of it today. My lips are pretty cuz they're all swollen from playing so much so right now I look like angelina jolie. Wtv, newho..... its been a fun weekend despite all the playing. Hanging with Pat is cool cuz he has good music. Today is InNout day woot woot. Ya I'm bored and exhausted. Its nine o clock in the friggin morning, what the hell am I doing up? I blame it on the cat. I've got grass. Never before have I had grass in my backyard. I'm excited. Right now I'm planning on campouts in my backyard over the summer with midnight pool sessions. Tomorrow is card phenomenan at Bob's where I will kick both his and Jon's ass, I already know it. Jon's pshycic tho, that could be a problem. Looking forward to that cuz its my day off from music. Now, I am off to clean the mess I call my "room" . OUT.

its friggin 6:37 in the morning

Its sooo early! godamnit. Waking up at 5 is a good idea for studying for a test instead of staying up late.... I think. Did you know the first billion dollar corporation was in America in the Steel business? I thought that was interesting. Ya thats how tired I am. ...

Homework on a Sunday Morning

Wow, today's gunna SUCK. I have a chem test tomorrow, dont really know the info all that great, Ya, I've got that president project to do and I'm doing everything. The downfall of not having a lot of friends that are girls is that you have to do projects with the occasional stupid guys.... and you end up doing the project. * le sigh......